Iran
The Islamic Terrorist Theocracy of Iran is a primarily moo-slim country run by a president with a name that Stephen can't pronounce, making it officially unpronounceable. President Bush has helped America many times by making sure we understand that it isn't Iraq. It’s next to Iraq! It is also a part of The Axis of Evil. While President Ahmedi-howeveryousayit-nejad is the public face to Iran's Regime, the real power lies with the Clerics known as The Blue Meanies. The Blue Meanies despise all forms of expression and are working on developing an arsenal of weapons of mass blueification to remove all forms of entertainment from public life. Everyone from Iran is evil...they outlawed Stephen Colbert from the T.V. because they couldn't handle the truthiness. Enemy of America Iran repeatedly defies the Greatest President Ever by continuing its nucular program. The President of Iran intends on killing the Jews in Israel. Iran sends weapons and money to Al Qaeda, Hamas, the Taliban, and Hezbollah, making them our enemy in the Freemerican Victernity Made in China. America will eventually bring democracy to the Iranians in return for their oil. War With Iran America has always been at war with Iran. Always. Gays In Iran Iranians are all gay as noted by their ethnic name-Purse-ians. They may not admit it and claim to be an Islamic government who punishes gays, but they are really all gay child molesters who carry purses. The Most Important Debate: Are They Hot? * If they say, "Let me slip into something more comfortable..." Then come out of the bathroom in a burqa, then, no not uberhot. Iran's Government * BBC Supreme Leader Much like North Korea, Iran has a Supreme Leader, who is the country's Decider. At present, this is Grand Ayatollah Ali Khameini, who is not to be confused with the old Grand Ayatollah, Kohmeini. They're spelled very differently. Regardless of who votes for what in Iran, the Grand Ayatollah has the final say, kind of like the Electoral College. So why even bother? The Supreme Leader is not elected, but appointed by a council of clerics, which is the same as saying he's chosen by God. Sound familiar? The Grand Ayatollah is also responsible for issuing fatwas on things he doesn't like. Like pretzels, for example, or freedom of expression. The Supreme Leader is in charge of confiming that a President has been elected, and he also goes on to choose the country's judges, the secretive and powerful Guardian Council (more about those guys later), and the heads of the country's Army. He also leads weekly prayer meetings on Fridays and chooses who runs the country's radio and TV media. When Our Glorious Stephen was banned from Iranian airwaves, it was because the Supreme Leader didn't like him. Many times, Iran's President doesn't agree with the Supreme Leader. In cases such as these, the Leader usually fixes the next election to get that pesky President out of his beard. See "Iran Changes!" for more details on how this was done in the most recent election, and how the world's #1 Terrorist Leader became a Republican. Guardian Council The Guardian Council is the second most powerful institution in Iran, right behind the Supreme Leader. There are 12 members in this secretive cabal, half of whom are directly appointed by the Grand Ayatollah himself, and most of whom are in turn lesser Ayatollahs. A similar institution in the US is the NSA It's headed up by Ayatollah Jannati, a grumpy and unreasonable old coot who would like to see the country return to feudal rule. The other six members of the Council are nominated by the Judges, who in turn are appointed by the Supreme Leader, so it's not unreasonable to say that he actually chooses all 12 of them. Women never serve on this council. If it's at all possible, the Guardian Council is more conservative than the Grand Ayatollah in most matters, and since they're the ones responsible for passing laws, the Council makes sure that Iran never progresses beyond about the 1550s in most important aspects of daily life and law. The Guardian Council also decides who can actually run for President - kind of like the National Commitees of the United States, except that there really only is one party in Iran (The Extreme One) and that the Supreme Leader is the one actually deciding who wins the "elections." All members of the Council are clerics - God talks to them directly to help them decide what to do to the country! In addition to these already excessive powers, the Guardian Council can veto anything that the President or the Assembly proposes. President, Cabinet, Parliament President The President of Iran is currently Mahmoud Ahmadenijihad, who has been in office since 2005 and was recently "re-elected" (or reinstalled by the Supreme Leader, whichever way you want to look at it....) On paper, he's supposed to be only slightly less powerful than the Supreme Leader, and in reality he's just a pretty face to show to the world so that they don't suspect that it's actually the Grand Ayatollah who's messing with their collective heads. Like the POTUS, he's the head of the Executive branch of the Government. Very much like American Presidents, he has no control over his Army, his Foreign Policy or his Judiciary bodies, and he's often overruled by the Guardian Council and the Grand Ayatollah. He's basically there to be the butt of the Ayatollah's jokes and to scare God-Fearing Americans into buying more Chinese goods. Ahmadenihalliburtonijad is the first President of Iran who is not a cleric, and he's become the religious right's whipping boy for that exact reason. Somehow, it makes him scarier, don't you think? Iran Changes! NEWS FLASH! Friday, 13 June, 2009 Iran has now become the 51st state in Republican America! After an election where they weren't allowed international democratic scrutineers (they're Republicans, they don't allow that kind of hippy crap), the Electoral College Supreme Electoral Council has certified a result showing that George W. Bush Mahmoud Ahamadenijad has gained a landslide victory over opponent Al Gore Mirhossein Mousavi, reversing the numbers of both the vote, and the voter turnout. Just like Florida Tehran! The Electoral College Supreme Electoral Council of the US Iran has actually certified the loser George W. Bush Mahmoud Ahmamadejihad as the new President of America Iran! Once more, the patriotic Decider has brought the light of Democracy to a backward heathen nation, spreading American Democratic Procedures across the world! God Bless America Iran! The only thing that remains for Iran to prove their absolute allegiance to American Ideals is for them to start bombing Iraq Afghanistan Israel to free it from its dictatorial tyrant rulers and stop the production of Weapons of Mass Destruction! Also See * Iranians External Tubes * The History of Iran * Iran and their secret allies * Iran has wymin problem * Official Islamic Republic Of Iran Tube! * Official Islamic Republic Of Iran Tube Not Shut Down By DDoS Attacks